Are you your best self?
Hopefully someday you’ll look back at photos of the way you dress today and cringe. By then, so much would’ve happened to you along the way that you won’t even be able to describe how you got from here (the ‘now’ you), to your beautifully evolved future self. But it won’t matter. 89% of all growth is invisible.
Like the seed of corn that’s planted in May, and left alone to slowly germinate unseen for weeks before the first sign of life emerges from the soil, you could be heads-down working for months without any visible sign of progress. Then suddenly, you emerge with a fresh perspective and a new outlook that makes you question why those platform thong sandals are still in your closet.
The new perspective means you’ve evolved and your evolution is an indicator that you’re growing closer to the best version of who you really are (your best self). Here are 5 subtle signs you’re growing:
#1: You cringe at the person you were a year ago.
The way I colored my hair, the amount of vegan leather clothing I accumulated, the outrageous nail designs I paid good money for. Geez, what was I thinking? But honestly, if it didn’t make me cringe even a little,, it means I haven’t grown at all.
You won’t be able to detect your daily growth, it takes time to see and feel your progress. But the knot you get in your stomach when you look at your past self means you’re growing. Celebrate it.
#2: You lean into difficult tasks or tough conversations.
I used to make mountains out of molehills and avoid doing things that required slightly more effort (like folding clothes), and I would avoid ‘tough’ conversations with others or (most of all) with myself.
I would stay in unsatisfying relationships, carrying around feelings of guilt or resentment towards others because deep down I blamed them for my feelings of discomfort. But in reality I am the only person responsible for the way I feel. When I finally realized that it’s nobody else’s job to make me happy and that my happiness matters most, I understood how important it is to be clear about my feelings and about my intentions.
Today, when it comes to difficult tasks, I break them down into manageable chunks and pace myself. And when it comes to difficult conversations, I make my intentions clear and approach them with kindness. The less you put up with things that make you unhappy, the more you grow.
#3: Skills that were difficult a year ago are now easy.
Learning new skills is one of the clearest signs of evolution. Whether it’s by learning a new language, achieving greater levels of physical fitness or perfecting a craft related to your day job, your business, or a hobby. There’s no greater satisfaction than identifying something that you want to be better at, then practicing and focusing on it long enough to achieve a level of competency.
Watching something that used to be difficult become easy to complete is both gratifying and extremely helpful. As you learn new skills, your ability to acquire new skill gets easier and learning becomes more fun. You evolve your perspective and your sphere of influence with each skill, which is a foundational step in your evolution. Never stop learning.
#4: You start to compare yourself with yourself and leave everyone else out of the equation.
You’re playing your own game – no one can ever compete with you. When you stop caring about what everyone else is doing and strive for your own personal best each day, you’ve taken back your power and you’ll be able to propel yourself towards self confident joy.
Do what you do because it makes you happy, avoid comparing yourself or putting on the latest trends to keep up with what others are doing. When you’ve reached a place where you’re running your own race and you’re doing it for yourself; you’ve evolved to a place that many don’t get to experience in their lifetime.
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
#5: You control the amount of friction you introduce in your life.
Friction, like resistance, slows your momentum way down and can be the difference between you making progress towards your goals or unconsciously repeating the same negative self-talk track that keeps you endlessly stuck in one place.
Friction can take on different forms:
Mental Friction
Do you maintain limiting beliefs about yourself? If you were to record the thoughts that go through your mind when you see yourself in the mirror, when you’re on your way to work, or before you go to bed, what patterns of thought would be revealed?
Everyone gets down on themselves at one point or another, but if you have enough self-awareness to catch yourself in the middle of a self-depriating thought and course-correct or distract yourself, you’re doing really well.
Social Friction
The people you spend your time with and give your attention to can easily influence your mood and add friction to your life. If you often find yourself in the middle of gossip or negative conversation with the same group of people, you’re likely stalling your own progress towards your goals.
Entertaining critical or negative conversations disallows the clear-mindedness you need to focus on yourself and your goals. If you recognize this before you go down too far down the rabbit hole with the in-crowd, and politely excuse yourself from the gossip, you’ll feel a freeing relief that will take you further in the direction you truly deserve to be.
Environmental Friction
You should put yourself in an environment that supports your goals. For example, if you are working towards developing your writing skills but you know that you are easily distracted, do your best to carve our time for yourself to write in a quiet space.
If you err on the side of being nice to yourself and gravitate towards environments that give you a sense of ease and relief, you’ll see the benefit of your deliberate choice to champion your well-being.
Most people are hard on themselves, feeling like they are behind and not progressing towards their goals as quickly as they should be. There is no finish line in life – we are continuously evolving because our goals keep changing and we’re always adding new ones.
I believe it’s a good idea to regularly stop and notice how much we’ve evolved from who we were and how far we’ve come. We can’t stand still so why not embrace our inevitable expansion and keep looking forward.
The best of who we are is yet to come.
